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What Birthmothers Look for in Adoptive Parents: Factors Birthparents Consider When Choosing a Family for Their Child

In creating a profile or dear birthmother letter, prospective adoptive parents are often at a loss for what they should include in this first contact with the birth family. Much like a resume, this is a first impression and people hoping to adopt want to make some kind of connection to a birthmother who is making an adoption plan for her baby. Here are some ideas of what a birthmother might be looking for.

Stable, Safe and Loving Adoptive Home

For many birthmothers, seeking an adoptive family in which it is evident that a loving relationship between partners exists is one of the most important factors. It is common for birthmothers to look for in a family the security she cannot give to the child at the present time.

The ideal adoptive family for most birthmoms must also be able to give the child financial stability. That is not to say that birthmothers want adoptive parents to be wealthy; however, most wish that their child will be able live without the stress of money worries.

The demographics of where the adoptive family lives may also be a factor she considers. Some birthmothers envision their child growing up in the country with a dog and the freedom to explore, whereas others hope their child will be able to go the best schools and have lots of enriching extracurricular activities from which to benefit.

The adopting family’s views on parenting are also important to many birthmothers. They are interested to know how the family plans to use discipline and their views on education. Some birthmoms may be more drawn to families where the arts are valued, whereas others may be looking for a couple where one parent will be staying home with the child for the first few years.

When it comes to siblings, a birthmom may wish for her child to be the first to join the family so he can be the centre of everyone’s world for a while. Another woman may want her child to have siblings and will seek an adoptive family that already has children.

Similarities and Connections to the Birthmother’s Life

Factors such as cultural heritage, ethnicity and religious background may be important to a birthmother, if she herself values these in her own life. For example, a birthmother who is of Jewish faith may want her son circumcised and will seek adoptive parents who will accommodate this wish. Another woman who is giving birth to a biracial child, might want to ensure that the adoptive family will honour the child’s Black ancestry, despite both parents being Caucasian.

Aside from wanting to know the personalities of the adoptive parents, birthmothers may be interested to know the interests and hobbies of the parents she is choosing. She may be more attracted to an adoptive mom who shares her love of the outdoors and may not relate with an adoptive dad who plays the cello.

In profiles where photos of the adopting family are seen, sometimes there is something in a photograph that is familiar to the birthmom. It could be that the adoptive dad reminds her of a favourite uncle or that she’s been on vacation to the same place they have.

With the prevalence of open adoption, birthmoms are also interested to know if they will have contact with their child and the adopting family. The possibility of contact may be key in the birthmom’s decision of choosing certain parents for her baby.

When birthmothers read profiles and letters of hopeful parents, there is sometimes something that catches her eye telling her that this family should raise her child. By genuinely describing these factors, adoptive parents will be able to give a birthmom a meaningful picture of the life they will be able to give her child.

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